*fanfare*

If I weren't so eager to announce this publicly, I would be in bed right now, but I'm so excited I'm not sure if I can fall asleep. (That's a lie. I'll be asleep before my head even hits the pillow tonight.) But that's not the point of this post.

May I have a drum roll, please?

Do you happen to recall my announcement when I first initiated the long, drawn-out, exhausting, overwhelming process of applying to college? (Sorry, I have to work up to this). Yes, well, I remember the announcement, even if you don't. It seems as though it were just yesterday...(that's another lie. It feels like eons ago. But these hyperboles just work better with the context of what I'm saying.)

And now, after much procrastination, stress, complaint, confusion, and paperwork, I have completed not just one, but two college applications! That's right, two!!! I submitted them today, and now I just know I'll wake up in a cold-sweat at 3:30 this morning having forgotten to edit some aspect of the applications.

I also began the torturous process of applying to a third college that I just recently added to my list of possibilities. I flew through it, and have only one section left. However, it can wait. I think two in one night is plenty of applications to submit.

This day might be significant. No, this day IS significant.

(Shouldn't each day be?)

Luck of the Draw

So, I was just letting my mind amble a bit today, and for some reason it occurred to me that I'm really lucky. This thought is not very common. I typically focus my ponderings on all the negative things about life, and expend all my energy complaining. Well, today I was reflecting on the Holocaust for some reason.

I am not in a concentration camp, stripped of all dignity and freedom. Nor am I enslaved because my skin is a different color. I am not living under the fear that a missile may be launched at any second to obliterate my city. I am not starving, I am not persecuted, I am not oppressed. I have the opportunity and the privilege to attend school and further my education. I may freely worship the God I believe in. My family is whole and healthy and so am I.

Most of these things, I have no control over. I did not personally earn my freedoms. I did not choose the time and place I was born. I just happened into all of this, and often I take it for granted.

I am blessed.

Treading Water

(Santa Maria came to church with me yesterday! YAY! I appreciated the company so much. She also came with minimal bribing and manipulation. Actually, she's been wanting to come for a while now, and just finally had the chance to get over to my side of town.)

Change of topic:

Sometimes the day feels really long. This morning feels so distant and unfamiliar, like a dream I had years ago. I remember my sister waking me up and saying something about sleeping in, which surprised me because I was right on time. I remember having breakfast, and making coffee, and I remember falling asleep in Art History. But it's hard to believe I did all that stuff today. All my classes, and then everything I did at home: I practiced piano, and watched a movie...

I actually did a significant amount of homework tonight! I'm so proud of myself. I had some major deadlines this week (Tues and Weds) and those projects so consumed me that I thought of nothing else. I didn't touch any other school assignments, I didn't study, I didn't think about studying. I gave myself a break Wednesday night and was lazy. :) I think a little self-indulgence every now and then can be healing, as long as you return quickly to your policy of discipline.

And so that's what tonight was supposed to be. Getting back on the horse. Anyway, I actually buckled down and accomplished a good chunk of an assignment that isn't due until sometime next week. At the same time, my work ethic isn't at its best right now.

Honestly, I feel really lame. I've got a little cloud of guilt building up over my head, following me around. I'm turning into Eeyore! I can't take this accumulation of guilt anymore! I'm getting claustrophobic.

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." James 4:17

Life's a Wreck

So, today my youth group moved into our new youth building! It is quite interesting. Personally, I'm not that big on themed rooms but everything about our new youth building slides under the theme. It's a bit too much for me. (Shh. Don't tell the adults. They're very pleased with themselves.)

In all seriousness, I do like it. We're more high-tech now, and we'll draw more kids to our youth group. I just have very classy, traditional tastes. (I'm picky).

I play in the Praise Band and my perspective is an interesting one. I love to watch the various faces. We had 118 kids show tonight. I like to see kids worshiping. I like to hear them singing with me. However, even though we had a big turn out and the stage was tricked out and we had all these nifty gadgets, I don't think that many kids really got into the music. Which was slightly disappointing.

However, the highlight of my night, was before the event even technically started. It was 5:00 and I was on the stage practicing real quick with the band (we seriously could have used another hour of practice or so, but we started late...grr...) I was starting to stress, and was incredibly upset with the band, honestly. I get frustrated so easily. Anyway, I was reaching that breaking point where I just have to hit something or burst into tears and then I look up and who do I see but WONDERBOY to the rescue!!! My most-amazing friend showed up to check out the new building and be supportive and helpful! I almost started crying. But it's hard to cry and sing at the same time (I lose all breath support), so I tried really hard not to.

But seriously, WonderBoy and I think we have this connection. He was just sitting at home and totally recieved my telepathic distress signals and so leapt up determinedly to come salvage the night! That's exactly how it happened.

This week was also our school's homecoming week, so we had our parade today, and I feel slightly guilty for refusing to pose for Santa Maria, who wanted pictures. I did, however, take at least one specific picture that I remember before the parade and before I got really sweaty and nasty. After the parade, though, I just felt really gross. I was sticky and hot and red-faced and ready to go home and shower. I'm quite convinced that Santa Maria already has plenty of pictures of me looking exactly like this, from various volunteer projects she's headed that I've attended, such as a camp clean-up weekend and Relays for Life. I really did not feel like adding to the collection.

To make up for the lack of pictures of Nina on parade day, Nina promises to behave very well and pose for as many pictures as Santa Maria wants on Game day and Dance day. Hopefully, Nina won't be quite as nasty then.

So I seem to always blog at night, and the last thing I typically say is something along the lines of 'tired, sleepy sleepy, bed time now'. But really, I am going to wrap this entry up, shut down my computer, and then get some sleep.

Here's to rest and good dreams, to memories and hopes, to today and to yesterday and to tomorrow.

Once Upon a Time...

I was talking to Santa Maria yesterday about this music test-of-sorts we just took. (We both did well, by the way, and have advanced to the next round of testing. Yes, that's right. Our reward for doing well is yet another test.) Anyway, while she was talking, I found myself thinking about next year's test and then realized, to my dismay, that there isn't going to be a next year. We will be off at college, and will not be participating in silly little high school music theory and sight-reading tests. We will not be concerned with such minor and trivial grade school affairs.

I'm sure we'll still be worried about something. That's our nature, after all. To challenge ourselves. Santa Maria, Pinta, and I are all like that. It didn't bother me too much to realize that this particular test would not matter next year. What bothered me was the realization that, whatever we end up worrying about, we'll be worrying about separately.

Pinta will probably be somewhere very far up north, stressing about some class I don't have. Santa Maria will be in a neighboring state, caught up in the level of mathematics or science or what have you that I have nightmares about. And I will be here, in the South, no doubt finding some exam to wring my hands over. We'll all be separate and our lives will be very, very different.

We will have new sets of friends. I am not very comfortable with this idea. I am quite attached to the friends that I have. But as much as I'd love to scoop them all up and cart them off to college with me, they don't seem to be very compliant. We will scatter to the four winds.

I will probably bug them a lot the first few months. After that, I don't know. I'd like to think that every holiday, we'll all end up back home, and we'll make a point to spend time together and catch up. I'd like to think that we'll still have a lot in common, and we'll remain close. All of us. I tell myself that we'll stay in contact all through college, and beyond. That Pinta, Santa Maria, and I will continue to write together. That I'll still be in that first wave of people that receives phone calls delivering exciting news.

But hey, the future is unclear. Who knows what will happen? It's scary being right here. On the brink of extreme change. You can hear this distant roar, and you're braced for it. Anxiously waiting, with only a shadow of an idea of what is coming. It's the anticipation that kills me. I'd rather not think about it.

So I think I'm done contemplating it for now. :)

On a lighter note, I just sang Christmas music for 3 hours. Good fun.