Realism

Unfortunately, I am not completely out of touch with reality. I just can't seem to get away from it, no matter how hard I try.

It caught up to me before Christmas even got here, when we were visiting my grandmother on my father's side. My aunt asked me about my college plans (which are currently limited to the fact that I'm going.) I got so stressed out just talking about it. My throat started getting really tight, and I almost started crying.

I don't know! I don't know where I'm going or how I'm getting there or what I'm doing once I get there! I have no idea! I'm not there yet. I'm here. But There keeps haunting me here. It won't go away.

Shoo, College, it's not your turn yet.

So later on, my sister and I were chatting with one of my father's cousins from Germany, who is this really smart professor type and happens to be quite knowledgeable. He asked us what we thought of certain recent global events, which we happened to have heard nothing about. Needless to say, we didn't have much to say on the matter. Anyway, he was really encouraging us to read the newspaper or subscribe to email updates on this stuff.

But I don't really want to know. That might be horrible and immature, but I don't want to hear about wars and rumors of wars, of politics and destruction and terror. I don't want to know what is going on in the rest of the world or even in the rest of my country, because I'm safe right here. I want to curl up in a little ball and shut my eyes and plug my ears and pretend that everything is fine. I want to live in blissful ignorance, because in my little corner of the world it is bright and sunny. There might be rain coming, but I don't want to hear about it now. I'll deal with it when it comes. In the meantime, why should I wring my hands and count clouds?

My father's cousin said it had always surprised him that Christians were not more active in certain charities. Shouldn't our beliefs give us more urgency?

As far as charity goes, I don't do much. I do not volunteer anymore outside of my church and my school. I don't always tithe like I should. I co-sponsor a little boy through World Vision, with a friend from church. His name is Alex and he lives in El Salvador. Reality is, though, I should do more. I should write him more letters, send him pictures. I should give more of myself, my time.

And then there is reality on a much smaller scale: homework. Yes, homework over Christmas break. Gee, thanks. Merry Christmas to you too, teachers. Anyway, I haven't finished and I won't be finished when school starts back. I'll be behind before I ever go to class. (I sort've left a textbook necessary for one of the assignments in my locker...oops...)

Rather than blogging about reality and how much I hate it, it would make much more sense to pick a side. If I'm really hiding from it, I shouldn't be acknowledging it like this, right? But if I've decided to face reality, shouldn't I be doing something about it? Either way, this post should end right...

Here.