Divenire

So today I woke up at 5:45 and dragged myself out from under the four layers of blankets I was huddled beneath. I washed my face and fought with my hair to get it under control. I made some coffee and ate a little breakfast. I slapped some makeup on my face and gathered all my books and papers and walked out the door to go to the dreaded School.

The first five minutes or so were fun, greeting everyone I hadn't seen in two weeks or so. The day wasn't as bad as it could have been, not as monotonous or boring, stressful or draining as many others have been. So all in all, I count it as a successful day. I found the exhaustion set in once I sat down to do my homework. I battled through a little bit of it and then gave up. I wrote after that.

So this is the week where Maria and I will journey to Tampa for our grand All-State Choir adventure! I am very excited about the trip. We will miss three days of school, to sing. What better trade-off can you get? A long drive with one of your best friends, and music music music. I can't wait until the concerts, though. We are singing in separate choirs and so, if all goes well, I should be able to see her concert and she mine.

Speaking of music, I have a confession to make. I am absolutely mortified and appalled at my own lack of preparation, my failure to execute, my oversight. I think I have settled on a major (English) but for a while now, I've also been saying I would like to minor in music performance on the piano. Well, I missed the music department's deadline to apply and schedule an audition at one of my top colleges. It was December 31. And I feel like such a fool because I didn't even check when the date was until I got back from my New Years trip. As Maria and my mother pointed out, it isn't the end of the world because I don't necessarily have to minor my first year. I can always apply second semester or jump in the next year. I don't have to minor in anything at all. I don't even know which college I want to go to! (By the way, the other two choices have upcoming deadlines this month and next month. This one college is just much more demanding). I still feel awful.

I'm really nervous about auditions, actually. I will be asked to play all major and minor scales, two octaves, hands together. I can easily do two octaves hands together on most of the major scales, but I really need to polish quite a few of them, and my minor scales are atrocious. I don't like minor scales. It thrills me to play in minor keys, but I do not like the scales. I also have to sight-read, which is not something I have ever practiced on the piano. Anyway, it's yet another point of worry that is currently camping out in the back of my mind, crowding in with the need for scholarships, with the hazy future, with the guilt of things left undone. But I guess, again, it isn't that big of a deal. I don't have to minor my first year. I can reapply if I don't get in the first time. Right?