(psst...this is my 50th post)

So last night was our school choir banquet. I was voted Teacher's Pet. Yay. Santa Maria was voted Helping Hands. My sister won Miss Sophomore and wasn't there to accept the award.

Anyway, so I think the banquet invaded my dreams. At least, memories of All-State with Santa Maria did. But instead of choir, we were in an All-State band (which doesn't make any sense because I can't play any band-like instruments).

I was late to rehearsal and didn't know the songs or what instrument I was expected to play. At first, no one that I knew was there. I was handed this large, white funnel with a motor at the base and ushered to the back row where a handful of other kids were wielding like devices. The band director began the song and I watched the other kids in my row out of the corner of my eye to see what I was supposed to be doing.

We didn't get very far in the song before the director stopped us. I quickly turned to the other kids for advice. "You have to flip the switch to turn it on," they said.

"Which switch? It's not labeled. Which way is on?"

"And you have to sway back and forth. That's how you get the vibrato."

I felt like a total idiot, pretending to play an instrument I didn't know the name of.

At some point, I became aware that Maria was there, and she knew what she was doing. I resolved to ask her for help later. Then Mito showed up and informed me that I wasn't wearing the proper garb. I had to buy one of the uniforms or I wouldn't be allowed to perform with the orchestra. So I looked around and everybody was wearing these muddy orange tunics. I asked where I could get one, and they told me to follow Mateo, who apparently had just left to buy his. But he wouldn't wait for me when I shouted to him, and then I lost him in the crowd. Then I couldn't find Maria or Mito to ask for directions.

Anyway, that was my dream! It wasn't quite a nightmare, but it was definitely an anxiety dream. I hate the idea of an unprepared performance, but I have lived this fear many times.

Choir concerts. Taking AP Tests. My Auburn music audition.

I hate feeling like a fraud.

So I'm going to go study for biology now, so hopefully I won't have yet another failed performance.

Ooh, by the way, I got my yearbook! I'm on the bottom corner of the back cover! I look all stoney-faced and serious, haha.