What are the odds?

Have I told you that I love it here?

I don't think I've been blogging enough, so I have a list of firsts to catch you up on. I used an ATM for the first time last Tuesday. It was extremely gratifying to press a few buttons and receive cash. Before I had a checking account, every time I wanted cash, I'd have to load up in the car and go to the bank to withdraw money.

I also did my laundry for the first time a little over a week ago. Now, I've helped my mom with laundry before, but I was never solely in charge of the entire undertaking. So I've never really sorted clothes all on my own, and I've definitely never used a laundromat before. So, my first mistake was loading my clothes into a dryer before I washed them. My second mistake was not bringing quarters. And finally, this Saturday when I did my laundry, I forgot the key to my residence hall and was therefore locked outside with a basket of clean clothes.

Maybe I'll have all the kinks worked out the next time?

I also went to a Presbyterian church for the first time yesterday. It reminded me of my grandmother's church. The building was a tiny brick castle, and there wasn't an empty seat in sight. Ushers kept fetching folding chairs for those who couldn't find a seat in the pews. I'm glad I went, but I don't think it's the right place for me. I've only visited three churches so far, but I think I'm going to return to the second church.

Also, I found this amusing. Of the entire music department, only 10 performance majors are in the piano studio. Only three of those ten are freshmen. One of them has the same name as me, my real name, spelled the exact same way. And today she said she could go by the name her family calls her if that would keep things from getting too confusing. Care to guess what that name was?

Nina.

Point Blank

There are some things you can't afford to be unclear about. So here is my creed, as open and obvious as I know how to make it.

I believe in God, one sovereign God who created everything. I believe the Bible is the Word of God, truth given from Him to the hands of men to record. I believe that God is a perfect and a just God, but a loving God as well. I believe His desire is that each and every one of His children be with Him in heaven some day, but we're imperfect. We can't make it there on our own. We are fragile and we fail. But God knows this, of course. That's how He made us, so He sent His son Jesus Christ to pay the debt of all our mistakes once and for all.

Because Jesus was fully God and fully man at the same time, He lived a perfect life and became a spotless sacrificial lamb. But not only did He die for us. He was resurrected on the third day, conquering the grave. That is the God I serve. The almighty creator of the universe who holds my life in His powerful, loving hands.

But Jesus' gift of salvation must be received. You have to realize you need Him, believe in Him and all that He did, and ask Him for His forgiveness. Without that, you can't make it to God's arms when you die. Without that, there's only one place for your soul, and you don't want to go there.



I think I forgot. I forgot how real death is, how important truth is. I forgot that there are people who still need God.

I forgot to pray for you, to cry for you.

"Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood." Romans 3: 20 - 25a

Transitional Phrases

So, guess where I am right now? I'm at Auburn, in my new dorm room, blogging! I moved in this past Saturday, actually, and I kept meaning to blog but I never did. Oops. :)

Classes start on Wednesday and I don't know what to do with myself before then. Most of my housekeeping issues have been taken care of. I've figured out most of my money issues and computer issues. I've hunted down all my necessary textbooks, or decided to wait until the first day of class to get them, haha. I visited a church on Sunday and I think I'm going to the BCM tomorrow night.

So today I ate skittles and thought of Maria. I discussed Furuba with a girl who lives in my dorm, and thought of Pinta. The discussion led to the mention of an anime that reminded me of WonderBoy. The back of one boy's head resembled Mito's. Slightly. (Is that a creepy thing to say?) I met a girl with the same name as Chero's, and I met a boy with a Mac that reminded me of Mateo. The building named Funchess also reminded me of Mateo, haha.

My new dorm room feels like home already. I've adjusted pretty well, I think, which was kind of a surprise. One thing I would like the note is that we jacked my bed up as high as it will go, so I have to use my desk chair as a step stool to climb up. My little sister asked me in her email if I'd fallen out of the bed yet.

And in case you're wondering, no, I have not.

*Fanfare*

So tonight is the last night I will be sleeping in my own bedroom, with my wonderfully large queen-sized bed, and my deep spacious closet, and my bookshelf with two rows of books on every shelf. And it still hasn't sunk in yet.

I keep having to say goodbye, but I don't think it's really hit me yet that I'm leaving, that I won't be able to call WonderBoy and ask for rides, that Chero won't be five minutes around the corner, that Maria and Pinta and I can't spontaneously go shopping, that Mito will never sit behind me in another math class (I never have to take another!!!), that I won't be running in to Mateo in between classes. If I'm lucky, I'll run in to all of my friends between semesters.

Anyway...

I'm excited. I want a clean slate, to start fresh. I want to refocus my life, to have purpose and to know I'm right where I'm meant to be. I have high ideals and many goals for this new and grand adventure! I'll keep you posted on the results.

And, funny thing...

I am often kidded by my friends for wearing my sister's clothes. We borrow each other's clothes all the time, and I'm constantly getting compliments on blouses that don't belong to me. But by tomorrow, her wardrobe will no longer be available for ransacking. So I made an effort this summer to buy some of my own clothes, and have been very careful to wear only my own, especially this past week.

Well, I wasn't paying attention, and packed all my clothes, and therefore have nothing to sleep in. So, for tonight at least, I'm borrowing her clothes one last time. :)

Countdown

I feel...strange. As if I am only half living. As if I am a stranger to myself. As if the life I am about to step into in a week doesn't belong to me at all. As if I will cease to exist and another person will take my place.

Anyway, I leave for Auburn in a little less than a week, and reality is not setting in yet. In fact, I've been doing a grand job of avoiding reality, reading and watching movies and wasting time on the computer. So now reality feels almost like a dream, and that dream is getting darker and darker.

I'm letting it get to me. I know the unknown isn't necessarily unfriendly, but right now, I really don't want to face it. It's like I've entered a mourning period, but I'm not sure what I'm grieving over. What died?

Before long, I'll shed this sadness and remember all the reasons I have to celebrate, all that is exciting and thrilling about life. But for now, I think I'm going to cry just a little bit longer.