Turkey and Dressing

So, this past week was Thanksgiving Break. I had over a week off from school, and it was amazing to be back home. I saw all of my friends and family in the span of five days during my time off. At times, it did feel mildly rushed, but there is the promise of Christmas break right around the corner, when I will hopefully be seeing all these wonderfully familiar faces again.

So, confession: I did not spend much time being thankful or reflective over Thanksgiving. Instead, I spent much more time living moment by moment, and sometimes being quite selfish.

Speaking of confessions, I've been trying very hard this semester to be honest. Over time, I have discovered that I value the truth a lot more than I thought I did. I still don't like to hear it sometimes, and I still tried to hide from it often, but I do not want to be surrounded by dishonest people. There is so much value in sincerity. So, accordingly, I have been attempting to be more honest in my representation of myself. It's easy to put a spin on my words or actions, to cover faults and extol pretend virtues. But I don't want to do that anymore. You cannot claim to be loved if you are not known.

That said, I think you should know:

I am not always honest. I fight with a very compelling desire to be seen as an angel, and it is very difficult for me to confront faults or failures. (So be warned, if you address me about this topic in person, I will most likely become very defensive). I am also hypocritical. Arrogant people irritate me, yet I know that I am prideful. Ironically, I dislike hypocrites. I am fully capable of thinking and saying cruel, judgmental things. I am not innocent or anywhere near perfect. I keep secrets, I spill secrets, I envy, I ignore. I fail.

I'm not anything like an angel. I'm just human.

How to Eat Fried Worms

Pop it in, crunch, and swallow!!!

Yes, that's right, I ate a fried worm. It's all the rage in Thailand, I hear. These actually smelled a lot like peanuts, and they were so fried they reminded me of pork rinds.

A missionary who has lived in Thailand for 13 years actually spoke last Tuesday at the BCM. His message basically dealt with the idea that sometimes what God calls us to do is going to be unfamiliar and uncomfortable. And he also emphasized how God has called us to love people. Which is where the fried worms came in. Loving people means respecting their culture, and sometimes that can mean eating the food they offer you. When he offered a sample of the worms to all of the students at the BCM, almost everyone surged forward to try a worm.

Now, normally, I don't think I would have eaten one. I figure, I can wait to eat worms until I'm actually in a country where that's a common practice. However, I remembered a guy I've met from Thailand and decided, you know what? I'll eat a worm. I'll be brave and try something new and then I can tell him!

Well, I did tell him, and come to find out, he's never eaten a worm before. He said as far as bugs go, all he's ever eaten were ants.

Last night, I had a grand adventure: I went to a frat formal. (It was on a boat!!!) Apparently, 'formal' actually meant formal and not semi-formal so I was one of two girls not wearing a floor-length dress (mine only went just below my knee), but the two of us ended up sitting at the same table for dinner. And coincidentally, our dresses were the same color. Also, I don't have any elegant jackets so...I just didn't bring one. Luckily, dinner was inside, but dancing was not. I didn't dance much.

Even after eating a worm last Tuesday, I found I gagged on a large clump of fat in a bite of meat. I couldn't convince myself to swallow it. I had to leave and chunk it in a trash can in the restroom. So that was that. Awkward girl in a not-formal-enough dress with a mouthful of fatty meat. So classy.

If I were more of a lady, this may have bothered me. However, I am not a lady. I am a girl, so it serves as an entertaining story.

I definitely enjoyed myself.

I wish you out of the woods...

And into a picture with me!!

So, I've gotta admit, I'm homesick. Terribly homesick. I can make it through most of the day cheerfully. Until I stop to think, and then I'm suddenly overwhelmed by how far away from home I am, how scattered my friends are, how little I know anyone here. It's scary. No family, no church home, no friends. No one.

And then on top of the sheer loneliness, I feel guilty. I am a horrible person. I don't get nearly as much work done when I'm emotionally drained like this. I also tend to be snippy with people who don't deserve my bad attitude. But if anyone dares to confront my faults, I deny everything. Vehemently.

So that's this week so far, but it's only Monday. Maybe it'll get better?

By the way, my family was here this past weekend! I had so much fun with them, and I was glad they took the time to come see me, but it really stunk getting left behind Sunday afternoon. I wanted to beg them to take me with them.


(Title is a quote from the song "Out of the Woods" by Nickel Creek, btw).