So, this past week was Thanksgiving Break. I had over a week off from school, and it was amazing to be back home. I saw all of my friends and family in the span of five days during my time off. At times, it did feel mildly rushed, but there is the promise of Christmas break right around the corner, when I will hopefully be seeing all these wonderfully familiar faces again.
So, confession: I did not spend much time being thankful or reflective over Thanksgiving. Instead, I spent much more time living moment by moment, and sometimes being quite selfish.
Speaking of confessions, I've been trying very hard this semester to be honest. Over time, I have discovered that I value the truth a lot more than I thought I did. I still don't like to hear it sometimes, and I still tried to hide from it often, but I do not want to be surrounded by dishonest people. There is so much value in sincerity. So, accordingly, I have been attempting to be more honest in my representation of myself. It's easy to put a spin on my words or actions, to cover faults and extol pretend virtues. But I don't want to do that anymore. You cannot claim to be loved if you are not known.
That said, I think you should know:
I am not always honest. I fight with a very compelling desire to be seen as an angel, and it is very difficult for me to confront faults or failures. (So be warned, if you address me about this topic in person, I will most likely become very defensive). I am also hypocritical. Arrogant people irritate me, yet I know that I am prideful. Ironically, I dislike hypocrites. I am fully capable of thinking and saying cruel, judgmental things. I am not innocent or anywhere near perfect. I keep secrets, I spill secrets, I envy, I ignore. I fail.
I'm not anything like an angel. I'm just human.
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