I think it's getting to me: being totally isolated in a piano practice room for hours every day. Maybe that's why I can't get the embellishments in my Haydn Sonata right. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe that's why it's so hard to motivate myself, to focus, to practice.
The weather these past two days has been amazing. I love it when the temperature starts to change. It will still be a while until the season settles in and remains, but I love the hints that winter is coming. Still, it has been harder to enjoy it for some reason. I feel somewhat apathetic about...everything. The weather, piano, homework...
I also have yet to find those life-long friends everyone promises you before you get to college. "Oh, the friends you make in the next four years are the best friends you'll ever have! They're the frinds you'll keep for the rest of your life." It takes time. I know it does. The upper classmen say so. My high school friends say so. It's just mildly frustrating, waiting around. I know they're there somewhere, and I want to find them now! I feel like I'm wasting time that I could be spending with important people that I haven't met yet. Or maybe I've met them and just didn't recognize them yet.
Also, much of the exploration is over now. Auburn is becoming familiar. I'm finding a routine, and therefore I'm losing much of the passion. I've fallen into a rut, a muddy rut, and I'm getting bogged down.
I'll make it. But today everything feels impossible.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Pros and Cons
So this week has been mildly stressful. I had my first real college test today (two more to come before the week ends). I've been studying a lot and practicing piano a lot. My arms feel wimpy and noodley. I'm going to ask my piano professor about that tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's a sign that I'm building muscle or if I'm doing something wrong...
However, one of the other piano students decided to decorate the practice room. We discovered two lamps and some Christmas lights wrapping around the wall. According to rumor, a rug and window treatments are on their way. I like to think of the nice pianos as self-esteem pianos. For some reason, it's very hard to feel good about yourself while playing in a cramped room on a twangy set of keys. However, it's very easy to feel artistic when doodling on a polished baby grand, the reflection of your hands and the Christmas lights dancing across it's smooth, midnight black surface. It's easy to forgot about tests and stress and homesickness and mild loneliness. It's easy to lose yourself in the music.
The past two nights, I have run into a family of three relaxing on Auburn's campus in the twilight of the day. Their little girl dances freely around while the parents sit on a park bench and watch. She is fascinated by her shadow. She twirls and leaps and laughs. When she finishes, they say "bravo!" and "again!" She complies every time.
I think sometimes people get so caught up in deadlines, in rush hour, in to-do-lists and responsibilities, that they forget to find joy in life. To sit down and rest. To dedicate a moment to reverence and awe, to beauty and hope. We forget to let little girls dance.
So, in the midst of the chaos and worries, I want to remember to dance.
However, one of the other piano students decided to decorate the practice room. We discovered two lamps and some Christmas lights wrapping around the wall. According to rumor, a rug and window treatments are on their way. I like to think of the nice pianos as self-esteem pianos. For some reason, it's very hard to feel good about yourself while playing in a cramped room on a twangy set of keys. However, it's very easy to feel artistic when doodling on a polished baby grand, the reflection of your hands and the Christmas lights dancing across it's smooth, midnight black surface. It's easy to forgot about tests and stress and homesickness and mild loneliness. It's easy to lose yourself in the music.
The past two nights, I have run into a family of three relaxing on Auburn's campus in the twilight of the day. Their little girl dances freely around while the parents sit on a park bench and watch. She is fascinated by her shadow. She twirls and leaps and laughs. When she finishes, they say "bravo!" and "again!" She complies every time.
I think sometimes people get so caught up in deadlines, in rush hour, in to-do-lists and responsibilities, that they forget to find joy in life. To sit down and rest. To dedicate a moment to reverence and awe, to beauty and hope. We forget to let little girls dance.
So, in the midst of the chaos and worries, I want to remember to dance.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Shades of Fantastic
So guess where I am blogging from? My dining room table, back home!
That's right, I returned to good ole sunny Florida for my three-day weekend. I'm leaving early this afternoon to venture back to Auburn, but for the time being I'm home. It's good to be back.
I thought I had adjusted to the twin bed in my dorm room, but now that I've slept in my queen-sized bed three nights in a row, I've realized how much I missed it. I think I made up for the three weeks of limited sleeping space by rolling over constantly. I kept waking up to realize I'd traveled significantly.
So how does it feel to be back? It feels as though I never left. That's one amazing thing about family. No matter where I go, or how long I'm gone, there will always be a place for me.
So my mom and I are currently making M$M cookies. Half of them are coming with me, because nothing says home like freshly baked cookies. And nothing makes fast friends like a huge batch of cookies and a generous hand. (We're strategic bakers.)
That's right, I returned to good ole sunny Florida for my three-day weekend. I'm leaving early this afternoon to venture back to Auburn, but for the time being I'm home. It's good to be back.
I thought I had adjusted to the twin bed in my dorm room, but now that I've slept in my queen-sized bed three nights in a row, I've realized how much I missed it. I think I made up for the three weeks of limited sleeping space by rolling over constantly. I kept waking up to realize I'd traveled significantly.
So how does it feel to be back? It feels as though I never left. That's one amazing thing about family. No matter where I go, or how long I'm gone, there will always be a place for me.
So my mom and I are currently making M$M cookies. Half of them are coming with me, because nothing says home like freshly baked cookies. And nothing makes fast friends like a huge batch of cookies and a generous hand. (We're strategic bakers.)
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Grand Adventures
Along with a new atmosphere and new studies, I've been pursuing new experiences as well. I church hopped the past three weeks in search of a church home. I've been unusually outgoing. Well, outgoing relative to my normal introverted self. I've become involved in a weekly gathering where international students mingle and practice their English with other Auburn students. I've misunderstood many words and butchered many names, but...I try.
I have a thing for sushi. When I used to work in a grocery store, sushi would come through the line a lot and I always thought it smelled so good! It took me a while to muster the courage to try it for myself but since then, I've been a fan of sushi. I'm not hardcore enough to use chopsticks, though. So the other day, I treated myself to some sushi. I convinced myself to ignore the world 'eel' written across the package and bought it anyway. However, I have determined that eel is not my favorite. It's a little too chewy for me. I ate it all, though, and I'd probably eat it again if it was available to me. However, I definitely won't be buying it for myself any time soon.
I also discovered a design flaw in the baby grand piano I was practicing on this week. The lid that covers the keys when the piano is not in use is curved. So if, say, you dropped a pencil while the lid was open, and it happened to get caught between the lid and the piano, it would slide down quite out of reach. And if, hypothetically, you were to close the lid the slightest in the hopes that your hand would be able to fit, the pencil would continue to slide, always out of reach, until it rolled right into the piano. My hand is not small enough to fit there, I have discovered. Coat hangers will not coax the pencil out. As hard as you strike a key, it will not catapult the pencil out into your waiting grasp. However, if you happen upon another piano major who is a lot stronger than you, he might know how to remove the lid entirely so you may retrieve your pencil. And if you ask him how he did that, he might tell you it was magic. And then confess that he's dropped pencils before.
I have a thing for sushi. When I used to work in a grocery store, sushi would come through the line a lot and I always thought it smelled so good! It took me a while to muster the courage to try it for myself but since then, I've been a fan of sushi. I'm not hardcore enough to use chopsticks, though. So the other day, I treated myself to some sushi. I convinced myself to ignore the world 'eel' written across the package and bought it anyway. However, I have determined that eel is not my favorite. It's a little too chewy for me. I ate it all, though, and I'd probably eat it again if it was available to me. However, I definitely won't be buying it for myself any time soon.
I also discovered a design flaw in the baby grand piano I was practicing on this week. The lid that covers the keys when the piano is not in use is curved. So if, say, you dropped a pencil while the lid was open, and it happened to get caught between the lid and the piano, it would slide down quite out of reach. And if, hypothetically, you were to close the lid the slightest in the hopes that your hand would be able to fit, the pencil would continue to slide, always out of reach, until it rolled right into the piano. My hand is not small enough to fit there, I have discovered. Coat hangers will not coax the pencil out. As hard as you strike a key, it will not catapult the pencil out into your waiting grasp. However, if you happen upon another piano major who is a lot stronger than you, he might know how to remove the lid entirely so you may retrieve your pencil. And if you ask him how he did that, he might tell you it was magic. And then confess that he's dropped pencils before.
Monday, August 30, 2010
What are the odds?
Have I told you that I love it here?
I don't think I've been blogging enough, so I have a list of firsts to catch you up on. I used an ATM for the first time last Tuesday. It was extremely gratifying to press a few buttons and receive cash. Before I had a checking account, every time I wanted cash, I'd have to load up in the car and go to the bank to withdraw money.
I also did my laundry for the first time a little over a week ago. Now, I've helped my mom with laundry before, but I was never solely in charge of the entire undertaking. So I've never really sorted clothes all on my own, and I've definitely never used a laundromat before. So, my first mistake was loading my clothes into a dryer before I washed them. My second mistake was not bringing quarters. And finally, this Saturday when I did my laundry, I forgot the key to my residence hall and was therefore locked outside with a basket of clean clothes.
Maybe I'll have all the kinks worked out the next time?
I also went to a Presbyterian church for the first time yesterday. It reminded me of my grandmother's church. The building was a tiny brick castle, and there wasn't an empty seat in sight. Ushers kept fetching folding chairs for those who couldn't find a seat in the pews. I'm glad I went, but I don't think it's the right place for me. I've only visited three churches so far, but I think I'm going to return to the second church.
Also, I found this amusing. Of the entire music department, only 10 performance majors are in the piano studio. Only three of those ten are freshmen. One of them has the same name as me, my real name, spelled the exact same way. And today she said she could go by the name her family calls her if that would keep things from getting too confusing. Care to guess what that name was?
Nina.
I don't think I've been blogging enough, so I have a list of firsts to catch you up on. I used an ATM for the first time last Tuesday. It was extremely gratifying to press a few buttons and receive cash. Before I had a checking account, every time I wanted cash, I'd have to load up in the car and go to the bank to withdraw money.
I also did my laundry for the first time a little over a week ago. Now, I've helped my mom with laundry before, but I was never solely in charge of the entire undertaking. So I've never really sorted clothes all on my own, and I've definitely never used a laundromat before. So, my first mistake was loading my clothes into a dryer before I washed them. My second mistake was not bringing quarters. And finally, this Saturday when I did my laundry, I forgot the key to my residence hall and was therefore locked outside with a basket of clean clothes.
Maybe I'll have all the kinks worked out the next time?
I also went to a Presbyterian church for the first time yesterday. It reminded me of my grandmother's church. The building was a tiny brick castle, and there wasn't an empty seat in sight. Ushers kept fetching folding chairs for those who couldn't find a seat in the pews. I'm glad I went, but I don't think it's the right place for me. I've only visited three churches so far, but I think I'm going to return to the second church.
Also, I found this amusing. Of the entire music department, only 10 performance majors are in the piano studio. Only three of those ten are freshmen. One of them has the same name as me, my real name, spelled the exact same way. And today she said she could go by the name her family calls her if that would keep things from getting too confusing. Care to guess what that name was?
Nina.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Point Blank
There are some things you can't afford to be unclear about. So here is my creed, as open and obvious as I know how to make it.
I believe in God, one sovereign God who created everything. I believe the Bible is the Word of God, truth given from Him to the hands of men to record. I believe that God is a perfect and a just God, but a loving God as well. I believe His desire is that each and every one of His children be with Him in heaven some day, but we're imperfect. We can't make it there on our own. We are fragile and we fail. But God knows this, of course. That's how He made us, so He sent His son Jesus Christ to pay the debt of all our mistakes once and for all.
Because Jesus was fully God and fully man at the same time, He lived a perfect life and became a spotless sacrificial lamb. But not only did He die for us. He was resurrected on the third day, conquering the grave. That is the God I serve. The almighty creator of the universe who holds my life in His powerful, loving hands.
But Jesus' gift of salvation must be received. You have to realize you need Him, believe in Him and all that He did, and ask Him for His forgiveness. Without that, you can't make it to God's arms when you die. Without that, there's only one place for your soul, and you don't want to go there.
I think I forgot. I forgot how real death is, how important truth is. I forgot that there are people who still need God.
I forgot to pray for you, to cry for you.
"Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood." Romans 3: 20 - 25a
I believe in God, one sovereign God who created everything. I believe the Bible is the Word of God, truth given from Him to the hands of men to record. I believe that God is a perfect and a just God, but a loving God as well. I believe His desire is that each and every one of His children be with Him in heaven some day, but we're imperfect. We can't make it there on our own. We are fragile and we fail. But God knows this, of course. That's how He made us, so He sent His son Jesus Christ to pay the debt of all our mistakes once and for all.
Because Jesus was fully God and fully man at the same time, He lived a perfect life and became a spotless sacrificial lamb. But not only did He die for us. He was resurrected on the third day, conquering the grave. That is the God I serve. The almighty creator of the universe who holds my life in His powerful, loving hands.
But Jesus' gift of salvation must be received. You have to realize you need Him, believe in Him and all that He did, and ask Him for His forgiveness. Without that, you can't make it to God's arms when you die. Without that, there's only one place for your soul, and you don't want to go there.
I think I forgot. I forgot how real death is, how important truth is. I forgot that there are people who still need God.
I forgot to pray for you, to cry for you.
"Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood." Romans 3: 20 - 25a
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Transitional Phrases
So, guess where I am right now? I'm at Auburn, in my new dorm room, blogging! I moved in this past Saturday, actually, and I kept meaning to blog but I never did. Oops. :)
Classes start on Wednesday and I don't know what to do with myself before then. Most of my housekeeping issues have been taken care of. I've figured out most of my money issues and computer issues. I've hunted down all my necessary textbooks, or decided to wait until the first day of class to get them, haha. I visited a church on Sunday and I think I'm going to the BCM tomorrow night.
So today I ate skittles and thought of Maria. I discussed Furuba with a girl who lives in my dorm, and thought of Pinta. The discussion led to the mention of an anime that reminded me of WonderBoy. The back of one boy's head resembled Mito's. Slightly. (Is that a creepy thing to say?) I met a girl with the same name as Chero's, and I met a boy with a Mac that reminded me of Mateo. The building named Funchess also reminded me of Mateo, haha.
My new dorm room feels like home already. I've adjusted pretty well, I think, which was kind of a surprise. One thing I would like the note is that we jacked my bed up as high as it will go, so I have to use my desk chair as a step stool to climb up. My little sister asked me in her email if I'd fallen out of the bed yet.
And in case you're wondering, no, I have not.
Classes start on Wednesday and I don't know what to do with myself before then. Most of my housekeeping issues have been taken care of. I've figured out most of my money issues and computer issues. I've hunted down all my necessary textbooks, or decided to wait until the first day of class to get them, haha. I visited a church on Sunday and I think I'm going to the BCM tomorrow night.
So today I ate skittles and thought of Maria. I discussed Furuba with a girl who lives in my dorm, and thought of Pinta. The discussion led to the mention of an anime that reminded me of WonderBoy. The back of one boy's head resembled Mito's. Slightly. (Is that a creepy thing to say?) I met a girl with the same name as Chero's, and I met a boy with a Mac that reminded me of Mateo. The building named Funchess also reminded me of Mateo, haha.
My new dorm room feels like home already. I've adjusted pretty well, I think, which was kind of a surprise. One thing I would like the note is that we jacked my bed up as high as it will go, so I have to use my desk chair as a step stool to climb up. My little sister asked me in her email if I'd fallen out of the bed yet.
And in case you're wondering, no, I have not.
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