So Santa Maria brought it to my attention that I have not blogged in over a week. So here I am, shocked and apologetic. It didn't feel like it had been quite that long.
So life is busy, and messy, and no - before you ask, I am not just figuring this out. I am simply testing the hypothesis and confirming prior results. There is so much to do, and so little time in which to accomplish it all. Something is always left undone, or neglected, or fudged.
All these little things, the homework assignments I turn in that I know are of little quality, the days I skip over practicing the piano, the mornings I sleep in rather than do my Bible Study, all these little things build up a list in the back of my head. They stack on top of each other and stress me out. The guilt.
Because I know what I was doing when I should have been working on homework. I know that if I hadn't have watched that hour-long tv show, I would have had time to put real thought into the paper, and give my teacher substance rather than half-supported fluff. I know that if I would have resisted that nap, or would have cut it short, I would have been able to get to sleep that night and wouldn't have been so tired in the morning. I just shoot myself in the foot all the time when it comes to time management.
But the way I see it, eventually I'll get it all done. Not perfectly, no, but I am human, remember? And sometimes my mental sanity depends on that nap or that mind-numbing TV show. It's a trade-off, true, but the little breaks are worth it. If I don't take little breaks, I end up burning out completely and taking a week's vacation instead. :)
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Business as Usual
Yay for lazy Sunday afternoons! I have refused to change out of my church dress so far, because I love this dress. It is comfy, but now it is all wrinkled. I took a small Sunday afternoon nap, which was lovely! I have been slightly productive, but basically I am just taking it easy.
So on Friday, I went to a football game. We lost, but being that I'm not a total crazed fan of the sport, I can't say that I cared overly much. I enjoy the bands and the cheers more than the game itself.
On Saturday, I slept a lot. I actually woke up early to begin with, no alarm clock or anything! I was up at 7. But as I tried to fight my way through some homework assignments, I ended up falling asleep again. I then ventured to the other side of town to hang out with friends and watch a movie (I predicted everyone would die, and I was very very close.)
We have moved into our new Sunday school building at church. I like having a door to shut and real walls and not hearing everything all the surrounding classes happen to be saying. It still feels really new, though, and not much like home.
So I've taken notice recently that I contradict myself. I'm not actually sure what my stand is on certain things. For instance, I believe it is wrong to lie. And yet, I want to write off excuses for little white lies all the time. There are also certain instances when I want people to lie to me. An example: when I ask if my hair is frizzy, I don't want to be told that it is. I already know it is. I want to be assured that it isn't totally atrocious. There are also times where I will knowingly not tell the truth. I concealed an incredibly painful sunburn from my parents, knowing they would never let me go to the beach without adult supervision ever again. (I guess that's not true, because once I graduate and move out, there's really nothing they can do about it, so...) But anyway, I'm confusing myself. Because my morals are mostly Biblical, except for that. And a couple other things, I suppose. It's not that I think lying is okay. Lying is wrong. It's just convenient sometimes.
And then I was doing my Bible study yesterday (yay! I actually did it!) and the passage was on servant hood. Listen to this: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." Matthew 5: 38-42.
It's not like I haven't read this passage before, but I guess it's been a while, and I think I've grown up a bit. I freely admit that this is hard for me to do. When my sister wants to borrow my clothes, I don't say, "Yeah, sure! And here, take my perfume too!" And if someone hits me, I usually hit back. Sometimes, I hit first.
Everyone is so afraid of being taken advantage of, and they say don't be a doormat, and don't let people walk all over you. Take charge. Stick up for yourself. And everybody likes this doctrine. We're comfortable with it. It's easy.
So anyway, point being, I've caught myself compromising my values and beliefs. This is bad. It's one thing to admit, yes, I lie and I am selfish, because I'm being honest and truthful and humble about my faults. It's another thing completely to say, yes, I lie and I am selfish and I don't care.
*sigh*
I should care.
So on Friday, I went to a football game. We lost, but being that I'm not a total crazed fan of the sport, I can't say that I cared overly much. I enjoy the bands and the cheers more than the game itself.
On Saturday, I slept a lot. I actually woke up early to begin with, no alarm clock or anything! I was up at 7. But as I tried to fight my way through some homework assignments, I ended up falling asleep again. I then ventured to the other side of town to hang out with friends and watch a movie (I predicted everyone would die, and I was very very close.)
We have moved into our new Sunday school building at church. I like having a door to shut and real walls and not hearing everything all the surrounding classes happen to be saying. It still feels really new, though, and not much like home.
So I've taken notice recently that I contradict myself. I'm not actually sure what my stand is on certain things. For instance, I believe it is wrong to lie. And yet, I want to write off excuses for little white lies all the time. There are also certain instances when I want people to lie to me. An example: when I ask if my hair is frizzy, I don't want to be told that it is. I already know it is. I want to be assured that it isn't totally atrocious. There are also times where I will knowingly not tell the truth. I concealed an incredibly painful sunburn from my parents, knowing they would never let me go to the beach without adult supervision ever again. (I guess that's not true, because once I graduate and move out, there's really nothing they can do about it, so...) But anyway, I'm confusing myself. Because my morals are mostly Biblical, except for that. And a couple other things, I suppose. It's not that I think lying is okay. Lying is wrong. It's just convenient sometimes.
And then I was doing my Bible study yesterday (yay! I actually did it!) and the passage was on servant hood. Listen to this: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." Matthew 5: 38-42.
It's not like I haven't read this passage before, but I guess it's been a while, and I think I've grown up a bit. I freely admit that this is hard for me to do. When my sister wants to borrow my clothes, I don't say, "Yeah, sure! And here, take my perfume too!" And if someone hits me, I usually hit back. Sometimes, I hit first.
Everyone is so afraid of being taken advantage of, and they say don't be a doormat, and don't let people walk all over you. Take charge. Stick up for yourself. And everybody likes this doctrine. We're comfortable with it. It's easy.
So anyway, point being, I've caught myself compromising my values and beliefs. This is bad. It's one thing to admit, yes, I lie and I am selfish, because I'm being honest and truthful and humble about my faults. It's another thing completely to say, yes, I lie and I am selfish and I don't care.
*sigh*
I should care.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Miracle of all Miracles
Well, today was a good day. I took a biology test, and I felt like I mostly knew what I was doing. I gave a presentation in my Theory of Knowledge class, and again had the general sense that I knew what I was doing. Today was pretty laid-back, and mostly fun. It wasn't perfect, of course, nor was it blissful. It was just a good day.
I wrote a poem, for Pinta. It was quite exciting to write a poem. It started something like this:
Pinta is sleepy,
Pinta is tired,
But Nina had coffee,
And Nina is wired.
Very nursery rhyme-ish and cutesy, but it felt good to write. I also tried writing happy poems since Mateo complains that all the poems our writing club produces are morbid. But they didn't turn out as good. I don't think I spent much time on either project.
However, I did devote a large portion of my time today to writing, and this project was inspired by a very insistent Santa Maria. At the end of last school year, we had decided to begin a summer project where we wrote a story together. We made a couple plans about what characters we would use and what would happen, but we never started. Well, Santa Maria definitely did not forget. So today, I obediently pulled up our old emails and shifted through all the information I had collected on dear Jaqi. I figured out where she was in life, wrote up a quick synopsis to make sure I had her history straight, and launched into an introduction.
I enjoyed it so much. It felt so good to write again, to just get the ideas flowing, even if I was simply recycling an old character from ages past. I will never be an author unless I write, right? And when I don't have any ideas for an epic novel, and when my poems are all elementary, I should still continue to practice. I will not be defeated by myself, my busy schedule, my dry fountain of creativity, or my discouragement. No sir, not Nina. I'm going to write anyway, even if every piece of work I produce is somewhat amateur and inarticulate.
I'm just that stubborn.
I wrote a poem, for Pinta. It was quite exciting to write a poem. It started something like this:
Pinta is sleepy,
Pinta is tired,
But Nina had coffee,
And Nina is wired.
Very nursery rhyme-ish and cutesy, but it felt good to write. I also tried writing happy poems since Mateo complains that all the poems our writing club produces are morbid. But they didn't turn out as good. I don't think I spent much time on either project.
However, I did devote a large portion of my time today to writing, and this project was inspired by a very insistent Santa Maria. At the end of last school year, we had decided to begin a summer project where we wrote a story together. We made a couple plans about what characters we would use and what would happen, but we never started. Well, Santa Maria definitely did not forget. So today, I obediently pulled up our old emails and shifted through all the information I had collected on dear Jaqi. I figured out where she was in life, wrote up a quick synopsis to make sure I had her history straight, and launched into an introduction.
I enjoyed it so much. It felt so good to write again, to just get the ideas flowing, even if I was simply recycling an old character from ages past. I will never be an author unless I write, right? And when I don't have any ideas for an epic novel, and when my poems are all elementary, I should still continue to practice. I will not be defeated by myself, my busy schedule, my dry fountain of creativity, or my discouragement. No sir, not Nina. I'm going to write anyway, even if every piece of work I produce is somewhat amateur and inarticulate.
I'm just that stubborn.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Love and War
So WonderBoy pointed out how most of my code names were Spanish related. I totally didn't notice as I was doling them out. Gregory is normal, though! That's actually a real name! (WonderBoy also requested that his name be one word. It makes it more super hero-esque.)
It's surprising how many of my dear friends have taken the time to read this. :) And it's also really funny to think that I write it as if people I don't know might read it, too. Hey, who knows: maybe strangers run across it and amuse themselves for a brief second before moving on. I'm just being cautious and taking all possibilities into consideration. *nod*
So when you google my pen name, my blog comes up on the fourth page! How exciting is that? It is the 34th link to appear. I guess there aren't many famous Nina Cabreras. (I also tried typing in the URL and the title of the blog, but those weren't as effective. I gave up after about 12 pages of river essays and online Bible databases.)
I really don't have the time to spare to be doing this. :) I should be studying bio or history or working on my extended essay or cleaning my cluttered room or anything productive! Instead, I am testing the googlability of my blog. And making up new words to describe the meaningless ways I wile away my time.
So my right shoulder is peeling but my left shoulder is not. I have patches of brown, burnt, dry skin; soft, pink patches where one layer has come off; and raw, red patches were two layers have been removed. I get impatient and start picking at it. It comes off like a sticker, or that really thin layer of plastic that packages the stacks of looseleaf paper. You can hear it peeling off. It's actually really gross.
Not to abruptly change the topic or anything, but my favorite band has just released a new cd!!! Barlow Girl's latest album, Love and War, actually hit the shelves earlier this month but I wasn't up-to-date on things and totally missed it. :) I listened to their whole CD on Rhapsody.com and absolutely LOVED it! I am also completely psyched because they are coming to town in November! If all goes well, I will be attending a concert soon. And if all goes well, you will definitely hear about it.
It's surprising how many of my dear friends have taken the time to read this. :) And it's also really funny to think that I write it as if people I don't know might read it, too. Hey, who knows: maybe strangers run across it and amuse themselves for a brief second before moving on. I'm just being cautious and taking all possibilities into consideration. *nod*
So when you google my pen name, my blog comes up on the fourth page! How exciting is that? It is the 34th link to appear. I guess there aren't many famous Nina Cabreras. (I also tried typing in the URL and the title of the blog, but those weren't as effective. I gave up after about 12 pages of river essays and online Bible databases.)
I really don't have the time to spare to be doing this. :) I should be studying bio or history or working on my extended essay or cleaning my cluttered room or anything productive! Instead, I am testing the googlability of my blog. And making up new words to describe the meaningless ways I wile away my time.
So my right shoulder is peeling but my left shoulder is not. I have patches of brown, burnt, dry skin; soft, pink patches where one layer has come off; and raw, red patches were two layers have been removed. I get impatient and start picking at it. It comes off like a sticker, or that really thin layer of plastic that packages the stacks of looseleaf paper. You can hear it peeling off. It's actually really gross.
Not to abruptly change the topic or anything, but my favorite band has just released a new cd!!! Barlow Girl's latest album, Love and War, actually hit the shelves earlier this month but I wasn't up-to-date on things and totally missed it. :) I listened to their whole CD on Rhapsody.com and absolutely LOVED it! I am also completely psyched because they are coming to town in November! If all goes well, I will be attending a concert soon. And if all goes well, you will definitely hear about it.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
What You Will
In English, we're studying Twelfth Night right now. (That word just looks so funny to me. I don't hear an f when I say it, but if you spell it without the f it looks so hollow and naked: twelth. Look at that! I think that is one of the strangest words in the English language...) I enjoy Shakespeare's comedies so much more than his tragedies, but something about Twelfth Night really stresses me out.
I don't handle dramatic irony well. When I know something that the characters don't know, I start guessing where the plot is headed, where the next big problem lies in wait. (I'm a pretty good guesser, too. And the credit for this goes, of course, to my great skill and not to clever foreshadowing on the part of the authors.) It absolutely eats at me that I can't communicate with the characters, warn them of their impending doom or what have you. Why can't they see this for themselves?
If I had my way, I would swoop in with intense theme music, whisper advice in the protagonist's ear, tweak a few stage positions, point out the obvious that would solve all their problems, and flee, having corrected all misunderstandings and confusion! I may also quickly replace some costumes and/or actors, but that would be a matter of personal preference. With a satisfied sigh after a day's work well done, I would reclaim my seat and recline to watch the rest of the action.
Only then would I realize, that was all the action. That's the whole point of plays like Twelfth Night: there is confusion and chaos and yet all things work out well in the end, and everyone gets a happy ending (except Malvolio, but nobody likes him anyway).
Besides the fact that I can't literally step in and alter everything, it would completely negate the purpose of the storyline for me to fix it. So as we study the play, discuss it, watch a video of one production, I tensely bite my nails and hold my comments in. I don't find it particularly enjoyable.
But I do like Shakespeare. :)
I don't handle dramatic irony well. When I know something that the characters don't know, I start guessing where the plot is headed, where the next big problem lies in wait. (I'm a pretty good guesser, too. And the credit for this goes, of course, to my great skill and not to clever foreshadowing on the part of the authors.) It absolutely eats at me that I can't communicate with the characters, warn them of their impending doom or what have you. Why can't they see this for themselves?
If I had my way, I would swoop in with intense theme music, whisper advice in the protagonist's ear, tweak a few stage positions, point out the obvious that would solve all their problems, and flee, having corrected all misunderstandings and confusion! I may also quickly replace some costumes and/or actors, but that would be a matter of personal preference. With a satisfied sigh after a day's work well done, I would reclaim my seat and recline to watch the rest of the action.
Only then would I realize, that was all the action. That's the whole point of plays like Twelfth Night: there is confusion and chaos and yet all things work out well in the end, and everyone gets a happy ending (except Malvolio, but nobody likes him anyway).
Besides the fact that I can't literally step in and alter everything, it would completely negate the purpose of the storyline for me to fix it. So as we study the play, discuss it, watch a video of one production, I tensely bite my nails and hold my comments in. I don't find it particularly enjoyable.
But I do like Shakespeare. :)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
It's Snowing Somewhere
So Labor Day Weekend was awesome!!! The whole Pack hit the beach on Monday, and we decided to rotisserie ourselves! It was a grand success, and come Tuesday we were all very sore, very red, and very grumpy. :)
I guess if I'm going to talk about my friends, I must give them codenames. Just in case. Can't be tossing out their identity to the world wide web, now, can we? So I guess I'll introduce the line-up.
Well, there's me, known as Nina for all intents and purposes. And then Pinta and Santa Maria, the other two ships who sailed with Columbus to explore the New World. (We had history together two years ago, and adopted the names then.) We are the three ships, a nice little trio of friends, and we complement each other very well. We all like to write. Both Pinta and Santa Maria are more athletitically inclined than I. Pinta actually plays on sports teams! Santa Maria plays the piano for sport. :)
Then there is Mito, who I've known since sixth grade. He goes by many many many names, but I really call him Mito so it's not much of a code name. Wonder Boy is this amazing kid who hates being touched and yet accepts the hugs we force on him with only mild protests.
Mateo and Chero are friends that typically get grouped together, but they're actually very different. Chero is a lot taller, for one. ;) But I love 'em both!
Ooh, and Gregory, who actually doesn't have any classes with any of us and yet goes out of his way to see us at lunch or in-between classes or after school.
And I have to figure out a code name for the last one...suggestions are accepted! If she were another ship, she'd be the Commodore, but that name is such a manly name for such a sweet and girly girl! So, any ideas?
Anyway, that's basically the Pack. The Core group. All my buds!!! YAY! So if I ever need to share a story about one of them in the future, I will use their CODE NAMES!!! But I really don't plan on talking about much personal stuff that has to do with them, because I don't think they'd appreciate it. :)
So, I'm going to bed now. I have a Spanish test tomorrow!
(Voy a dormir ahora. Teneré un examen del español mañana!)
I guess if I'm going to talk about my friends, I must give them codenames. Just in case. Can't be tossing out their identity to the world wide web, now, can we? So I guess I'll introduce the line-up.
Well, there's me, known as Nina for all intents and purposes. And then Pinta and Santa Maria, the other two ships who sailed with Columbus to explore the New World. (We had history together two years ago, and adopted the names then.) We are the three ships, a nice little trio of friends, and we complement each other very well. We all like to write. Both Pinta and Santa Maria are more athletitically inclined than I. Pinta actually plays on sports teams! Santa Maria plays the piano for sport. :)
Then there is Mito, who I've known since sixth grade. He goes by many many many names, but I really call him Mito so it's not much of a code name. Wonder Boy is this amazing kid who hates being touched and yet accepts the hugs we force on him with only mild protests.
Mateo and Chero are friends that typically get grouped together, but they're actually very different. Chero is a lot taller, for one. ;) But I love 'em both!
Ooh, and Gregory, who actually doesn't have any classes with any of us and yet goes out of his way to see us at lunch or in-between classes or after school.
And I have to figure out a code name for the last one...suggestions are accepted! If she were another ship, she'd be the Commodore, but that name is such a manly name for such a sweet and girly girl! So, any ideas?
Anyway, that's basically the Pack. The Core group. All my buds!!! YAY! So if I ever need to share a story about one of them in the future, I will use their CODE NAMES!!! But I really don't plan on talking about much personal stuff that has to do with them, because I don't think they'd appreciate it. :)
So, I'm going to bed now. I have a Spanish test tomorrow!
(Voy a dormir ahora. Teneré un examen del español mañana!)
Thursday, September 3, 2009
This Day Might Be Significant...
I have just polished up and printed a mini-essay (it's really more like a trio of paragraphs) for my English class tomorrow, modeling a college admissions essay. Most of us were practical and chose the prompts from our favorite colleges to write our essays on.
So, I might have just printed the beginnings of my college admissions essay. The real deal. It's another moment that may or may not determine my future!!!
I also attended my first football game of the season, and went to a Pep Rally of my own accord! Yes, that's right! You read that correctly. I chose, opted, made a conscious and thought-out decision, being of sound mind and body, and I went to a Pep Rally.
I'm just taking all kinds of great strides today, aren't I?
Just to keep in theme, I'm going to end this post here. Shortest entry yet!
So, I might have just printed the beginnings of my college admissions essay. The real deal. It's another moment that may or may not determine my future!!!
I also attended my first football game of the season, and went to a Pep Rally of my own accord! Yes, that's right! You read that correctly. I chose, opted, made a conscious and thought-out decision, being of sound mind and body, and I went to a Pep Rally.
I'm just taking all kinds of great strides today, aren't I?
Just to keep in theme, I'm going to end this post here. Shortest entry yet!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Oops.
So I'm absolutely convinced I had something really relevant and entertaining to say, a valid point to make, an interesting story about some event or other. Something happened today (or was it yesterday?) that made me think, "Ooh, I should blog about that!"
Well, that something is now eluding me, and so the urge to post is not accompanied by any inspiration. So...I apologize. The next few paragraphs will most likely have no point.
Speaking of inspiration and all, I have found that it seems to hide from me when I actually have time to pay attention to it. Take right now, for instance. I found the time to blog, yet nothing to write about. However, great ideas (or at least, they seem pretty fantastic to me) always spring up when I do not have the opportunity to pursue them! It's like my muse is really shy. She only comes out when there is a lot of noise to cover up her presence, when there is an abundance of distractions to keep the attention off of her.
Ironically enough, I wrote a poem once about inspiration having awful timing.
So, I guess I can talk a bit about myself. I believe in my very first post, I promised to talk more about the nature of the blog and the blogger in later posts. I'm not sure I explained much, though. So, an assortment of random facts about me:
I have a penny whistle, because I asked for it for Christmas. I can only actually play one song on it. I have never broken a bone before, or flown in an airplane, but I have flown in a helicopter. I literally lost my first tooth: I think I knocked it down the drain. I watched Grease for the first time last spring. When I was a kid, Scooby Doo gave me nightmares. Now, my favorite TV shows are both murder mysteries. I once sang an impromptu solo at a concert at my church (I was probably about 8). I've never left the United States. I love road trips. I collect flower petals and attempt to preserve them - all the petals I have so far have been taken off of someone else's flowers. The first story I ever remember writing was about a giant bumblebee. I took organ lessons for a short period of time - I think I left my organ shoes at the church after my last lesson. I like to name things. My car is Winston, my first iPod was The Eddie Shuffle, and now I have Solo-Man the iPod. However, I have failed to give my dog a middle name.
Okay, I think that's enough. :) Learn anything new?
Well, that something is now eluding me, and so the urge to post is not accompanied by any inspiration. So...I apologize. The next few paragraphs will most likely have no point.
Speaking of inspiration and all, I have found that it seems to hide from me when I actually have time to pay attention to it. Take right now, for instance. I found the time to blog, yet nothing to write about. However, great ideas (or at least, they seem pretty fantastic to me) always spring up when I do not have the opportunity to pursue them! It's like my muse is really shy. She only comes out when there is a lot of noise to cover up her presence, when there is an abundance of distractions to keep the attention off of her.
Ironically enough, I wrote a poem once about inspiration having awful timing.
So, I guess I can talk a bit about myself. I believe in my very first post, I promised to talk more about the nature of the blog and the blogger in later posts. I'm not sure I explained much, though. So, an assortment of random facts about me:
I have a penny whistle, because I asked for it for Christmas. I can only actually play one song on it. I have never broken a bone before, or flown in an airplane, but I have flown in a helicopter. I literally lost my first tooth: I think I knocked it down the drain. I watched Grease for the first time last spring. When I was a kid, Scooby Doo gave me nightmares. Now, my favorite TV shows are both murder mysteries. I once sang an impromptu solo at a concert at my church (I was probably about 8). I've never left the United States. I love road trips. I collect flower petals and attempt to preserve them - all the petals I have so far have been taken off of someone else's flowers. The first story I ever remember writing was about a giant bumblebee. I took organ lessons for a short period of time - I think I left my organ shoes at the church after my last lesson. I like to name things. My car is Winston, my first iPod was The Eddie Shuffle, and now I have Solo-Man the iPod. However, I have failed to give my dog a middle name.
Okay, I think that's enough. :) Learn anything new?
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